Distractions,distractions!

Argh!I can't concentrate on revising for tomorrow's Physical Chemistry exam!Main cause of distraction:Facebook.Ways to solve the distraction problem:Close it.Don't think about it.Easier said than done eh?I know I can put Facebook aside and still survive but somehow,there's this magnet attracting me to open my Facebook account.It's hopeless at the moment to try to not think of facebooking.Huh.

I can't imagine what my exam grades would be like for every single subject I took,considering that I have not been working hard for the exams.No matter how I try to console myself that I've done my very best in answering those exam questions,deep inside,I know I had not done enough preparation.Isn't it ridiculous that I know the consequences and yet still do whatever I like,pretending that the known or predicted consequences would never happen to me?

When will I ever learn to control myself?

P.S. Die liao lar Physical Chemistry.@@

I'm feeling...feelingless

Had Maths 1 exam today in the morning.Felt kinda numb sitting for exams.Observed lots of people still continuing the habit of last-minute reading of notes which I did during my primary and secondary years but not any more in university.Pointless to stuff further info into brain.I know my brain limitations:It refuses to accept anymore important-things-to-remember-for-the-exam few minutes before entering the examination venue.

The questions were do-able,but deep in my heart I knew I am out of practice in Maths and I felt so disappointed with myself as I proceed answering whatever that was in store for me.I had a few not-so-sure-of-my-answers and I couldn't solve one or two problems,which I knew were actually easy.Yet I left them unfinished,as though not giving them credit for existing as easy questions in the exam.Uh,great.Anyways,I'm the only person to be blamed for not doing enough Maths revision.And to think that I was aiming for full marks.Right.Keep dreaming,Jonie!

Somehow,I'm now living in my own world of fantasy,always in a dreamy-like mood.I see,hear,touch,smell,taste but I cannot remember doing so.It's like I'm feeling...feelingless.I can actually picture a corner in my heart feels so empty...I'm starting to think if I'm like Bella in Twilight,where she felt an empty hole in her life when Edward and his family left Forks.If so,I wonder why...it's not as if I have my Edward yet...I'm missing a piece in this puzzle...

Thinking furiously of what to write as a short story but still come up with NOTHING.How frustrating.To think that I think but there's nothing good enough for a story.Brain,hello?Could you please get out of your unproductive mode and give me a hand here?Sheesh.

I guess whatever I'm feeling right now is part of growing up eh?

I need inspiration,ideas!

I had wanted to post something here for quite some time but decided not to cos' it's more to do with personal feelings and all that.Not so suitable for a place which is kinda private yet public,meaning here.

Currently having my final exam and will be back in Penang in no time!Hooray!Considering that I've been stuck in Kampar for about three months without anything interesting to do,anyone of the same frequency to talk to (except Xing Yii),anywhere interesting to go,ugh.Quite boring in fact.If this condition persists,I think my brain will retreat into the world of endless fantasies and imagination,which is happening now as I'm typing this post.Feeling dreamy~

I was browsing the Net when I stumbled upon a site which has got to do with writing stories.Cavewriters.com it's called.I find the website pretty compared to other similar sites,though it has those primitive looking designs,overall it gives a very sophisticated profesional look.Good job for the webpage design.Became a member there and actually can't wait to contribute a short story there.Unfortunately,eversince I've left for Kampar,I never had the opportunity to continue my writing.Busy with assignments,tests,experiments,etc etc...If I were to write,I would just hold my pencil and just let it hover above the blank papers,in the end producing nothing out.

Oh how I envy those people who are capable in a lot of things!I have a friend who can actually cooks well,writes well,active in outdoor activities,presents well,thinks critically from every single aspects,and there may be more hidden talents I have yet to know of.How I wish that I could be just like my friend!The more I admire the abilities of those capable lot,the more I feel so incompetent compared to them.Take for example,my writing.I can never write as well as them which is actually disappointing to me,considering that I love writing and even do consider making writing as one of my future careers.I'm starting to feel a little useless here...

I need inspiration,ideas,argh!

P.S.I haven't started revising Physical Chemistry yet and Monday's my exam.Great.

Test,Test,Test...

Uh...terrible...

Just finished my Mechanics test today.And my mind was kinda blank when I looked at the question paper.Basically,whenever I start doing my test questions,the very first thing that would happen to me is having a blank mind.My eyes would be staring hard at the words on the test papers but my brain refuses to cooperate by understanding what the questions want.Until a lot of internal buggings have been done,slowly,my brain will only start to help in.By then,a lot of  time has been wasted.And this kind of scenario has been repeating for the umpteenth time...

I've been kinda worried over my grades...I really hope to score a CGPA of more than 3.5 overall for this first semester(or trimester,as the university calls it).However,looking at my marks I got for my previous tests tells me that it might just remain as a dream only.Here comes my if onlys...

If only I can get good grades for every subject.
If only I can think fast and know how to apply formulas in every single tests and exams.
If only my dreams and wishes would come true.

Nowadays,getting used to guy friends.However,sometimes,I feel that my actions are a little overboard at times when mixing with them as I use to think of them as though they are like my secondary school friends,where we can simply hit each other or laugh aloud without a care in the world.My meaning of overboard here does not mean I pull pranks or practical jokes on them,but sometimes making inapropriate expressions and reactions at wrong times.I wonder if I'm very not-girlish.I think I am like that.

Well,coming up next...final exams!*feeling a little faint*

Gambate to myself!

What happened in these few days...

Well,well I'm afraid my blog is gonna be boring...

Basically,it's the same kind of thing I'm gonna write: I love my uni life here in Kampar.I love my new friends here.I love the environment here.I'm stressed with the tests,assignments (as I'm typing this,I'm in the middle of doing my Critical Thinking journal writing assignment -.-)Haiz...

My first tests for Maths 1,Physical Chem,Cell Bio and Mechanics quite okay.Maths 12/15,Phy Chem 32/40,Cell Bio 22/30 and Mechanics 27.5/50.Thank goodness I passed all the papers...I wouldn't want to fail...It would be very depressing to know that I fail. -.-

Apart from that,I had a not-so-good experience,or rather shocking yet unbelievable experience.I fell down from my old bicycle and hurt myself badly on the left knee.Had some minor bruises on my leg and grazes on my fingers.The thing is I felt shocked cos' I just fell without a warning.I knew my bicycle had a problem but I had thought that it would last me till I get to the bike shop or at least reach home.Unfortunately,the incident happened.And now,I dare not ride my bike for  fearing that the scab on my wound on my knee would break and slow down the healing process. -.-

My new friends are a nice lot; they asked about my condition and how I felt about it.It's kinda nice to know that there are people who care or are concerned about you.Although I do not know much about each and everyone of their characters and attitudes,but overall,I feel they are as good as my secondary schoolmates,or even better.Don't know...

I could still remember the day it happened : it was a bright and sunny Tuesday morning...the day I had my Maths 1 test 2.Uh...after my Phy Chem lecture.Spoil my mood for the whole day...Whenever I want to be happy,that wound of mine keeps on reminding me about its presence and the pain it causes.Thank goodness,though I'm unlucky that day,I was lucky in the sense that there's this guy who studies in the same uni drove me home.To think that I followed a stranger to send me back home.And I can't exactly remember the guy's face,don't even know his name,what course he's taking...the only thing I remembered was he has the yellowish-brownish dyed hair,quite good-looking,taller than me, and drives a red Proton Dunno-what car.I had wanted to made a proper apology and thank him for all the trouble he took to help me that day.I mean,who would offer a helping hand to those in need of them?Chances are few...people mostly pretend that they didn't see anything.

Anyways,I was quite embarrassed regarding my situation...I fell at the roundabout and I''m sure quite a number of people saw what had happened.Gosh...I seriously want to erase that memory from the witnesses.If only I could do that.I just wish everyone forgets about it.Including me.

Now,I'm just waiting for my wound to heal as soon as possible.I finally realised after a long time that walking is more tiring than cycling.Besides,I got myself a new bicycle and I want to ride it...Heal faster,wound!

I'm feeling...

...

I seriously do not know how to descibe how I feel at the moment.It's like...there are too many mixed feelings deep in my heart.I love my life here in Kampar,but loving alone does not necessarily mean I'm enjoying every single second of my life here.There are good times of course,but there are stressful times as well.Not to forget feeling confused and blur over what's happening...not exactly very good feelings...Plus wondering if I'm gonna do well in the first semester...gosh...there's just too much for my brain to process...

The Good,Happy part : I love my new friends here...they are really funny and nonsensical at times and I love them for that.You can't expect people to be too quiet and good in behaviour,cos' that will be kinda boring.I start to see the differences between guys and girls,which I have never realised in my entire life before.Guys,generally,are unpredictable,extreme in a way,funny,silly maybe and nonsensical most of the times.Girls are generally more well-behaved,quite quiet,giggles (oh,in Xing Yii's and my case,we burst out laughing during lectures,basically go Bwahahahahahahahaha like that,making people think that as if we are high on some drugs or something),yeah something like that.It's like I've never known this kind of thing before because all these while I've been studying in convent schools and I don't attend tuition classes or get to know friends who are guys so...I'm actually adjusting to uni life with guys as friends.So far,I think I'm doing fine...
         I love the place here,for the peaceful,serene and closer to nature condition.This place is so not like Penang,where every day you can never miss the sounds of cars,motorbikes,lorries etc every single minute (unless you stay at home 24/7).Here in Kampar,though not so well-developed,I prefer this kind of place.It's like finally finding peace and serenity in life...Living my two housemates is just like living with a new family.We may have started awkwardly,but as days go by,the three of us bond well together.

The Not-So-Good part : Stress.Pimples.Sleeping very late every single night (fine,I'm just exaggerating,it's most nights though...).Too much info to read,digest and remember in a short time.Tests.Assignments.Reports.Gah!I'm super sure that my eyesight is getting worst and worst every single second and minute,hour and day.Sheesh.I shall not continue further for this part.Typing those things just make me feel even more stressed out,as if reminding myself about those given work which I've not yet done with.Uh.

Overall : Life is still good and enjoyable and I truly hope that life will get better and better here,as in I can manage all my studies without a single sweat.Personally,I think that's impossible.

Thinking about lots of things...

I'm a person who love to think.Unfortunately,sometimes,I think too much or think too little.When i think too much,stress comes in,pimples grow and I become more and more worried.When I think too little,mistakes happen,probably blurt something which hurts people's feelings unconsciously,or maybe doing stuff without realising that I shouldn't do in the first place.

However,nowadays,I'm not sure whether I'm thinking too much or too little.In terms of random,nonsensical fantasy thoughts,I'm sure I've been thinking too much on that,making me thinking so not critically.Haha.My critical thinking subject wasted...

I need sleep.If not,there'll be serious brain damage.

Oh,whatever.